how to control anger, how do i control my anger

We all face a situation once in our life when we hear a voice deep inside from our heart that it’s time to control anger and stay calm. Despite being aware of how anger can destroy our life, we continue to exert it just because we feel that it is the better way to release stress and all that frustration we are dealing with.

We yell at our loved ones, we fight and we even take wrong decisions while being angry. Our high temper can be the reason behind the mistakes we often make and the continuous regrets afterwards when given a thought.

When you don’t control your anger, it compels the mind to indulge in unethical acts as well. The moment we do something wrong it affects our reputation, dignity, and happiness in our life.

So, it is very important for all of us to learn how to control anger to hold a better control on our words, on our actions and thus, in our life. Let’s discuss some tips which are going to assist you in staying more in control and keeping yourself calm in all the circumstances.

1Don’t take everything personally

The first step in learning how to control anger is to avoid anything that will lead you to get angry. It is much easier to not get angry instead of controlling yourself when you are on the verge of getting angry.

The reason we get angry is we always take the views or opinions personally. We believe that another person is targeting us which make us angry. We start defending ourselves instead of trying to realize the truth behind the point. All this heats up the discussion that increases the chances of anger in persons involved.

The moment you will start avoiding taking things personally, you will be able to understand the point of view of other people as well and will be able to realize mistake at your end, if any. Secondly, when you will try to understand other people, that other person will also express his point calmly. This calm attitude of both of you will always help in sorting out the matters without any arguments.

2Accept your mistakes

Is it really this much difficult to accept your faults? Why can’t you show the courage by accepting your mistakes instead of denying again and again?

When you deny your mistakes it makes another person angry and that person starts accusing you of every wrong thing for which you might not be responsible. This blame game manifolds the probability of your anger reaching to next level.

Whereas when you accept your mistakes you are in a position to understand the reason for other people’s disappointment or anger with you. This assists you in apologizing for your faults as well as control the situation.

3Self Introspection

We often blame others and get angry at them. We rarely introspect ourselves but if we will introspect ourselves we will realize that many of our wrong views and thoughts or stubbornness are responsible for the conflicts in our life.

Therefore, self-introspection is very much important to control your anger. It will surely save you from many situations that cause unnecessary anger in you.

4Understand that anger attracts only loss

There are definitely some moments that make us so much angry that we literally lose control of ourselves. During those heated up moments, always repeat in your mind “I do not want any frustration and loss. I prefer my happiness over my anger”.

Keep repeating this until you feel you have calmed down. Obviously, you will not care to think about anything else over that situation but give it a try, maybe this will help you avoid some major losses due to your anger issues.

5Think before you speak

Develop a habit of thinking properly before you speak. Do not utter even a single word without giving it a thought. Whenever you are about to say something during a heated argument, ask yourself the following questions in your mind:

  • Is there any truth behind what I am intending to say?
  • Will this resolve the issue or make it worse?
  • Can there be a better way to express the truth and my views without getting aggressive and offending the other person or hurt his/her sentiments?

All these questions will guide you and help you to keep yourself calm during an argument. You know there is no point in getting angry and saying something which will cause you harm instead of doing good to you.

6Use your anger constructively

It is very common to express our emotions aggressively which always makes the situations worse. Our complaints are not considered and our needs still remain unfulfilled. Whenever you feel you are getting furious, take deep breaths. Calm yourself and express your anger in a positive way. Tell the other person what made you angry, what are your needs, what actions or inactions of that person cause anger in you and lastly what are you looking forward to rectifying the mistakes or improve the circumstances.

7Find the root cause

Sometimes we are ourselves responsible for our annoyance and sometimes it is some actions of other people that repeatedly annoy us a lot. Your job is to list down everything, every small thing that brings your temper high so that you can come up with the solution.

You will have to change your habits that indirectly set a ground for your anger. For instance, if the traffic irks you, get up early and leave early. Do not procrastinate what you can do now. Where any topic provokes your anger, try to avoid that topic at any cost. Try to walk out of those situations where those topics are being discussed or at least ensure you do not contribute to such discussion. If you feel your partner does not care for your emotions or feelings, convey your concerns to him/her. Explain how you feel unloved or disappointed.

You will notice a change in your behavior definitely. As these little things are going to bring a change in your life and hence will contribute to bringing change in your aggressive nature.

8Learn to forgive

We accept that sometimes some people do something that cannot be easily forgiven but still it is the best thing to do. Do you know why? It is because it will maintain peace in your life. You will lead a more relaxed life.

You always take your anger to a next level when you are not ready to forgive other people or their mistakes. Your habit of forgiving others will fetch you happiness in ways you have never imagined.

9Do not shout

Always ensure that you do not shout. You must have noticed the moment you raise your volume you lose your cool. This is another best way to control anger that will prevent you from many tensions and disputes in future.


Anger is a natural emotion but it is a very powerful emotion. It can break or make your life. Learning how to control anger is important for peace in your life, for a good health, and for your overall well being.



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